It has been one eventful year or two (or three? heck, who knows?)

I was convinced I would either have a horrible quality of life or die trying. I didn’t

I thought I would fully heal from a disease that has plagued me for 30 years. I didn’t

I thought I was getting married and joining to another family; with a man I still love and hold in high regard. I didn’t.

I planned for an easy and successful entrepreneurial journey where by now I would have helped hundreds of clients transform their minds with chronic illness. I didn’t.

I thought I would be starting a whole new life of strength beyond illness… say it with me: I didn’t.

And yet, I learned so much simply by going through all of these experiences. Part of the issues – let’s call them failures – that I went through had to do with my expectations. I thought that continuing to push my body and life to the point of exhaustion and expecting to fly instead of drown would yield the results I wanted and not the ones I got. What’s it called when you do the same thing over and over and expect a different result?… oh yeah, insanity.

But, I mean, can you blame me? I wanted a “normal”, “picture-perfect” life. You know, like where Rebel Wilson finds her way back to… herself. realizing that she simply needs to be the love of her own life; and then gets together with her new partner anyway! Yeah, I said I wanted to love myself better and be independent before getting married… but that’s not exactly the truth when you’re perusing the sites for a man… I’m just sayin’.

I thought if everything in my life was in place and waiting for me, I could then meet it. Instead I put myself in a precarious position with no money, no love, and almost no life for real.

Something had to give… and it was me. I had to give to myself and live out the purpose I already knew God was calling me to meet. I am not a healer. I have never purported to be a healer. I leave that to God. I am, however, being called to meet others where they are so they can find healing.

AND, you know what happens when a hurt and unhealed person seeks to guide others to healing? Right. Not a thing. We all end up hurt and none the wiser.

So while I have always had the right idea – to serve others with love, compassion, and empathy – it didn’t always come out in that form because I wasn’t in a place where I acknowledged my own healing. I have tried to rid myself of illness, but it wasn’t something I could do without God, my faith, or my understanding of emotional wellness. Emotional wellness – and especially joy! – is a vital aspect of all types of healing; physical, mental, spiritual.

So it was – and has been – time for a pivot. I knew it when I had my first panic attack, afraid I was a burden to my family because all I could be was sick. Most importantly, though, I realized the biggest burden was to myself. Until that moment, I hadn’t searched deep enough to tell myself that I was ok with being sick!

Now, hear me out. I will be more forthcoming later, but for now, I have to say: no one wants to lay on their deathbed. At least I know I didn’t. AND there was a part of me that wondered whether that would actually be the worst thing in the world. AND there was a part of me that found the healing touch and comfort of loved ones and strangers thinking of me as strong and an exemplary human being to be worth most of the trouble. I had to really dig down deep to find that, though, and admit it to myself.

More on that later… right now, though, I simply want to share that my experiences these last few years have led me to a different me; a me that was broken… again… and is taking a little bit longer to put myself back together. You know what? That’s just fine. My plan is to be better than before… and just enough.

So, here’s the thing: “pivot” does not actually mean what I or others have been making it out to mean. To pivot is not to change direction or focus… a pivot is a fixed point around which something turns; OR the act of moving around this point of focus. My point in letting you know this is that my pivot remains the pursuit and activation of joy; AND around this is formed my own healing and wellness journey. Joy is actually not the first place you get to; it includes the journey through and toward emotional wellness. So, while activating joy will never lose my heart, it’s time to share more of how I continue to pursue it; and how you can too! Nothing will change… and everything will change!

So… I am back on the ‘net to bring you on this journey with me. A journey to more energy, to appreciating and acknowledging the gift of emotional wellness (now), to serve and guide others to the same, to physical healing, to continued mental and emotional healing. I don’t proclaim to be the “expert” or the “best” at anything. I simply want to serve. As we go through this journey, know that I have us all in mind – you and me. The chronic illness warriors who are ready to heal; the invisible yet strong friends who experience loss and now know they can heal too; the allies and loved ones who now understand they have some deep stuff to heal as well. We can do this. You can do this.

If you or someone you know feels lost because of loss. Bring them on the journey with us here.

*YouTube videos will accompany many of these posts so you can see and hear the process as well

Joy, Love, and Deuces (peace)!!!

• Kris G