For those just joining, welcome to this healing blog: Chronic Illness & Joy!

If you don’t know me yet… it’s not a great thing 😉 , but it means you’re in the right place, because you’re ready to read more about the continued process of healing, emotional wellness, and joy.

I am a psychotherapist with a Masters license in social work, as well as a Joy coach – what does that even mean? Sometimes… I don’t even know… but today I do

It’s about emotional wellness

It means putting your best foot forward… and sometimes your worst – so you can feel the joy that will be ignited in you – and that’s always there

Joy is an emotion – it’s part of an intentional and full emotional wellness plan

Kristen’s Healing Journey

But first, let’s talk about my own journey with chronic illness and health and wellness

When I was 5, I was diagnosed with Lupus, around 7 with Scleroderma, and at about 10, I was diagnosed with mixed connective tissue disorder – MCTD for short, cuz ain’t nobody got time for that… 😉

In order to create healing, there are 4 types that I have and continue to focus on: Emotional, Mental, Physical, Spiritual. All of these are an aspect of my healing I will go deeper into writing in this blog. Below, I will let you know of the themes of this blog that will incorporate these types, as I also did in my own process.

And through that journey I’ve taken with my chronic illness, I’ve realized overall emotional growth – especially joy – has been what has sustained my emotional and mental well-being – it wasn’t always well… but it was being…

I now feel it is time to take real ownership (more) of my overall wellness… my health – for better or worse (but mostly for better). I am doing this, in part, by shifting thoughts, emotions, and physical behaviors, while also holding myself accountable giving guidance here on the blog so that others can see and know that 1) you don’t have to be a mental health professional to heal yourself in varying capacities, and 2) mental health professional is not a term for perfection or a person without a need for healing. We can do this together too!

I have joined programs, spoken with professionals, and read and watched and self-reflected. All of this and more shows me that healing – though never really ending – is possible and better than before each time actions and thoughts are put in place. I know I have changed just by creating my own mental and emotional wellness plan. This has also led me to a stronger conviction in a physical wellness plan that allows me to accept my diagnosis with chronic illness, and NOT stay complicit in my symptoms. I can and will rest, and I can push my body when it’s able. I can give myself grace for not always being able to DO certain things, and I can refuse to sit still when I have the energy to get up and move forward. There’s a both-and mentality here that is aiding in my healing.

Just know, all of this has taken some work and I will certainly not leave you hanging as I discuss the varying areas that have pushed me forward in my healing.

I Don’t Want to Be “Sick”

I have experienced much change and part of my journey to health and wellness is to realize where my mind-frame is and to heighten my mindset and awareness and know whether I want to stay sick… or be that sick person still… and I don’t want that anymore.

Yes, I have in the past, and I am admitting – to myself and whatever part of the public reads this – that there was a part of me who wanted to stay sick and be cared for… more on that to come.

But I don’t want that anymore. So I no longer claim sickness. I claim healing and wellness and acceptance.

I moved recently – twice

the first time I moved, I kind of fell off track with my eating plans towards physical healing; and that was not good

Now, I’ve moved again… I’m in a more peaceful place in my life in many ways and I am ready to really get to a place where I am thriving physically and get my physical energy up – and heal many of my symptoms

So what I will do with you all is take you on the journey with me

I will take you through the process of loving myself enough to health… to life

Let me also tell you more about why I am doing this; besides the obvious, that I don’t want to be “sick” anymore… And nobody does, right? Like no one says I want to be this sick, I want to lay in the hospital on beautiful days, I want to lay on my deathbed multiple times, I want to be left out of activities because I’m somewhere in a bed or on a couch in agony and pain… no one says that… out loud – for sure

Something that I’m realizing for myself is that I enjoyed an aspect of being taken care of, like I want to be independent and I always seek to not be a burden, but I think that’s different from feeling wanted and loved and nurtured and cared for and like you can lay in the bed and have people bring things to you

Yeah you’re in pain, but it’s a way for people to honor you and also provide that healing touch – pay for things that you may need – because you can’t always work full-time, or at all due to symptoms

And I think that’s a big part of the feelings you get when you are being cared for.

I won’t say everyone, or speak for everyone, but I know I definitely have had this feeling of, ‘I want people to care and I want to be independent’ at the same time.

But, back to why: I want to explore my world around me and be able to do thing I’ve dreamed of – travel more alone without getting sick – I haven’t even allowed myself to do so as much, because I am just very expectant for illness to happen in my life. I want to expect greatness. I want to expect a mountaintop experience… and literally experience a mountaintop.

I want to stand above and look out over God’s vast and precious creation.

I just do – I am a sucker for beautiful views.

And I’m going to get that, because there is no longer a reason why I shouldn’t be able to do that for myself, besides what I have felt and believed would make me sick and have been allowing to continue my sickness

This Works!

How about why I continue to believe it will work?

First of all, I did a group program or two on ridding myself of physical illness completely. I was able to get off of my CPAP machine and I lost a good deal of weight – besides what I had already lost from being sick and not eating. I lost what I needed to lose and kept what didn’t need to be shed then – you know what I mean?

AND – the only way I could really stick with it was through emotional work and wellness, as well as my faith – the biggest part for me. I know God can heal, including without my doing the work. AND, I want to be an active participant in my healing and what God has in store to work for me

So that’s what I’m going to do. I believe in me and my body, mind, and spirit.

Also, as I mentioned, I am a mental health practitioner

I especially work with others who experience anxiety and depression – and that’s not simply because of my academic experience and learning how to care for and empathize with others

It is also because of my personal experience: I have experienced anxiety, I have experienced depression, I have experienced worry of not knowing what, when, why, how life is happening to me

So, yeah, I am going to use my knowledge and wisdom and care and empathy to turn it back on myself – giving myself the acknowledgment and ability to heal.

It is about time I no longer gave so much to others – material, energy, thoughts, whatever – before giving to myself.

That is also part of the experience here – mental health is a big part of this process

I will need to eat what nourishes and flourishes my body; making it feel great.

I will have to shift my mindset more to what and why I CAN. Meditation has been great for me towards this end. I also love to write; journaling and expressing myself in this way will also impact my emotional well-being for the better.

So let’s see how this goes! I hope you will stay on this journey with me and root me on

because I want to show, you don’t have to stay sick – okay, maybe you have a chronic illness, maybe you have symptoms, maybe you need to be in a community with people who understand, which I have needed for such a long time too

But I don’t have to be actively, continually sick

and I believe, I am done with that

Joy Remains

In thinking about my wellness journey – and hopefully yours too -, it is important to note that, especially in the case of overall emotional wellness, joy is still incredibly important. Joy will be a pivotal part of my whole journey and the steps that I take; AND, it is not necessarily foundational. To get to joy, we must acknowledge the important of going through this journey in the first place. I created the six pillars of activating joy before I even fully understood where it came in the process. To me, that’s divine; and it also shows me that there is more to the story. There are reasons why some of us feel like joy isn’t for everyone, or isn’t accessible to all of us. First of all: it is. Also, though, we must realize that change – a part of life – comes in ways that we may not expect, and yet we have control over the way we react to it.

Emotional wellness overall doesn’t control access to joy… we do. This is a part of why this blog now exists, and what will be discussed. Healing in any capacity must include examination and development of emotional wellness.

In This Blog

In my own pursuit of healing, I also continue to develop in the realms of:

• the physical,
• personal care,
• emotional wellness
• mental health, and
• environment

So these will be themes throughout this blog’s explanation of healing – whether my own healing or your replication of the journey with your own tweaks.

Life is meant to be lived. The only thing we must do that may be standing in our way… is commit to healing. Healing is a process and journey; it will get better. So let’s do it!

With Joy, Love, and Deuces!

• Kris